


Goddamnit, Tucker

by DocDufresne



Category: Red vs Blue
Genre: Bowchickabowwow, Connie likes to travel, F/M, M/M, Modern AU, The Tuckington doesn't truly start until later but it comes fast and it comes hard, Tucker works in a coffeeshop, Wash is a huge dork with a huge crush, and Maine is just kind of there at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 20:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4934173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DocDufresne/pseuds/DocDufresne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connie is back in town. Tucker makes quite the misunderstanding, leading to gay confessions in a bathroom stall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goddamnit, Tucker

When Wash woke up on a Saturday to three new calls from Connie, he expected it to be bad news. Of course, he would, it's ALWAYS bad news with her, wasn't it? The last time he received more than one attempted call from her, it was actually her boyfriend (What's his name again? Collin? Cunt? Yeah, probably Cunt) trying to get in touch with her emergency contact because she had passed out from trying to function off of two hours of sleep for the whole week.

  
Honestly, Wash didn't know why he was still her emergency contact if he lived literally halfway across the world from wherever she was. That's not loyalty, that's just flat-out unsafe and stupid. What would he be able to do if something really bad _actually_ happened to her?

  
He didn't bother getting out of bed or getting dressed to call her back. To his surprise, she answered back on the first ring.

  
¨Heyyy, guess where I am?¨ Her voice didn't come through all static-y and odd-sounding, as it usually did when she was in a different country with shitty reception.

  
¨Canada?¨ was the first thing out of his mouth.

  
¨Nope.¨

  
¨Australia?¨

  
¨Nah.¨

  
¨Spain?¨

  
¨Nah.¨

  
¨China?¨

  
¨Close.¨

  
¨Russia?¨

  
¨Panda Express. I'm at Panda Express, Wash,¨ She sighed before chewing was heard, but it barely registered in Wash's mind.

¨Panda Express? Here? In town? MY town? ...Currently?¨ His voice sounded distant to him, as if it were another person speaking. The soft tone didn't go amiss on Connie.

¨I'm home," Her voice sounded infinitesimally kinder around the edges, sounding on the verge of tears, ¨Gonna be here for the next 2 weeks. Chris wanted some time to be with his family, his sister just got married. So, I decided to come around and be with my family as well. I missed you, Wash. I already called Maine, we're going to meet up at Mother of Invention at 2, can you make it then?¨

Ah, so his name was Chris, not Cunt. Mildly disappointing.

¨Y-Yes, I just have to check up on my friends first, but that shouldn't take too long....hopefully.¨ It wasn't really necessary of him to, but he would rather go into this without having to worry about whether someone from the Reds or Blues were pissed or injured...or both. He'd rather smooth out some arguments that are bound to spring up between those dumbasses first, so he could feel like he'd done good that day.

¨Alright, see you then.¨

¨Connie?¨ Even Wash was surprised when he spoke, he hadn't meant to at first, but once it was out and lingering in the air, he decided to go with it. Might as well, it's not like he could dig himself deeper than he already was.

¨Yeah?¨

¨Can you go to Mother of Invention a little early? I think we really need some catch-up time before anything else."

¨Sure thing. An hour early?¨

¨Yes, please,¨ He hadn't meant to sound so formal, but by the time he went to correct himself, she had already hung up.

Needless to say, he was pretty shaken up after that. His coffee mug nearly slipped out of his grasp with how hard his fingers alone quivered, he accidentally pushed too hard when flossing his teeth, causing his gums to start bleeding pretty heavily, and he almost put on his jeans backwards.

He even spent nearly half an hour of his morning routine staring at the ceiling still simply just processing the fact that Connie's back. He hadn't seen the girl for four years straight, and now she calls out of nowhere to say she's back? Last time he had seen her, she had half of her hair shaved, pale skin, and a tiny body, but who knew what she looked like now? Four years can really change a person. Hell, Wash surely didn't look the same as he had four years ago. He had bleached his hair from that dirty blond (closer to brown than blond) to actual blond. Some of his roots still showed through, he needed to fix that soon. He had spent a lot of time exercising after she had left as it was his only emotional output, so now he had a lot more muscle than he had the last time she had seen him, as well as being tanner than before. There were more scars littering his skin from various misadventures with the Reds and Blues, as well as one through his eyebrows from tripping face-first into his kitchen counter.

Meanwhile, Maine somehow maintained the same image over the years. Still tall, still bulky and broad, still bald as ever, still the same tattoos.

 Only 20 minutes later to the apartment complex than usual, Wash didn't bother with formalities such as knocking and immediately entered Sarge, Donut, and Lopez' shared apartment, only to find both friend groups in the living room. Wash wilted slightly at the empty spot next to Church that would usually be taken up by the dork wearing aquamarine. He didn't bother to take a seat today.

¨Are you plotting? Or is it a scheming day?¨ He weakly joked, slightly taken aback at how weakly the words came out. Nothing coming from him sounded right today.

¨Neither, we've been _worrying!_ Where have you been, mister?! We've been on top of each other searching for you, but you were nowhere to be found!" Donut was the first to speak up, leaning forward to place his hands on his knees, sending a stern look Wash's way. His eyes seemed to soften and linger when he noticed the underlying anxiety in Wash's usually-tired eyes.

¨It's 'on top of our games', not...¨ With a scowl on his face and his arms crossed, Simmons grumbled from his spot next to Grif, sitting so close he was nearly in the Hawaiian man's lap.

¨I thought you were dead, Agent Washingtub!¨ Caboose yelped, as if only just then noticing the blond man's presence, scrambling to wrap him up in a tight hug. Wash was so taken by surprise that the air was knocked out of him from the force of Caboose's hug.

¨I missed you too, Caboose,¨ Wash could barely get the words out properly before Caboose dropped him and returned to his seat on the floor by Church's feet.

¨You're never late, what's up with you today?" The aforementioned asshole stared at Wash with bushy eyebrows knitting together concernedly. That was startling, usually Church didn't give a shit whether you were upset or not. All that mattered to Church was whether Church was upset or not.

¨As much as I hate to side with, and show concern for, a rotten, good-for-nothing Blue such as you and holo-boy over there, it's affected my men! Donut was over here wringing his hands for you! Lopez here was the most concerned! Wouldn't stop going on about how scared he is for your health!¨ Sarge nearly yelled, slapping a hand on his knee for emphasis.

¨No me importaría menos a ninguno de ustedes imbéciles. Yo estaba tratando de decir que el baño está obstruido, tu consolador inútil*,¨ Lopez spoke in his usual monotone voice, staring with unblinking, steel eyes.

¨See?!¨ Sarge turned to Lopez, enunciating his words more, ¨We get it, you care about Washington. None of us understand why, but you do.¨

¨I just have stuff on my mind is all,¨ Wash mumbled dismissively, but when the whole group simultaneously raised a single eyebrow in response, he sighed in resignation, ¨An old friend is coming to visit, alright? I'm just kind of worried what she--¨

¨She?!¨ Simmons blinked, his glasses slipping further down his freckled nose. Grif didn't have to look at Simmons, just reached over and pushed his glasses back up for him.

¨Is she an ex-girlfriend?¨ Donut grinned, practically beaming at finally getting an explanation to Wash's odd behavior.

¨Is she pretty?" Caboose whispered.

¨Did you two fuck?" Grif finally spoke up, a lazy smirk forming on his face.

¨Why was she gone in the first place?¨ Simmons pursed his lips in thought, the redhead being the only voice of logic.

¨¿Porqué Dios me odia?**¨ Lopez' voice spoke through the immediate outburst, making everyone shut up.

Everyone turned to stare at him, none daring to speak out loud.

¨Yeah, Lopez is right, were her tits big though?¨ Church finally broke the silence. Everyone sitting made a noise of agreement, while Lopez just closed his eyes in concentration, probably concentrating on not strangling everyone around him.

¨Guys," Wash mimicked Lopez' action, and for a moment, they made eye contact and passed a look of mild understanding before Lopez broke it by getting up and walking straight out of the apartment, followed by the sound of a door across the hallway slamming, ¨Anyways, no, she's not an ex. She's just my old best friend before she just packed up her stuff and left one day. She's back now, and I just need you guys to not act like a gaggle of trouble-attracting idiots while I'm gone."

¨Just tell her how you feel. Directly is the best approach to asking a girl out, you have to make it as obvious for them possible,¨ The way Simmons spoke fooled Wash for the briefest of moments into thinking that Simmons actually knew what the fuck he was preaching on about despite the fact that Wash was extremely confused as to _why_ he was going on about asking girls out.

¨Practice what you preach, Simmons. Practice what you preach,¨ was all Grif mumbled and bumped his arm into Simmons' to cause the taller one to blush and splutter. It finally dawned on Wash what Simmons had been implying, and a blush quickly crept up his neck as well.

¨I-I know how to talk to girls! I have plenty of girl...friends. Friends that are girls. Women? Whatever, all I know is I have plenty of female acquaintances! I'll have you know--¨

¨I'm not gonna ask her out!¨ Wash yelped and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, his face now a beet red, ¨God. We're just gonna catch up. Talk. Not date. No romance, whatsoever. She has a boyfriend.¨

¨You should too but you're both oblivious idiots,¨ It probably wasn't been meant to heard, but the soft words coming out of Donut's mouth made Wash screw up his face in confusion. Understanding dawned on Donut's face as this change in Wash's expression occurred. He knew he heard. Wash began to make a questioning noise before glancing at the clock in the corner of the room. His eyes widened as he immediately spun on his heel and ran out of the door. It was currently 12:36 and it typically took 25 minutes to get to Mother of Invention.

By the time he stepped through the door, friendly bell jangling overhead, Connie had already grabbed a booth for them and was playing a game on her phone. Every step he took towards the booth felt simultaneously too fast and too slow. He wasn't ready to see her again, yet he'd also been ready for about two years now. At the same time, he was eager for and dreading their conversation. David Washington was a walking oxymoron.

He was also sliding into the seat across from her. Too late to back out now.

¨Connie,¨ His voice was quiet, yet the strain in it was pretty obvious.

¨Wash!¨ She practically dropped her phone in her haste to leap across the table and pull him into a long-overdue (albeit slightly awkward) hug. Wash was too surprised to move, so when they both pulled away, he still had his arms at his side.

¨Wash, wow, you've really...¨ Her eyes racked over him, taking in his biceps and new scars and same swarms of freckles on his face and the definitely new blond hair with the dark undercut. His finger twitched as he waited for her evaluation, but all she could come up with was another ¨Wow.¨

¨Am I interrupting?¨ A familiar voice spoke, the voice accompanied by lips pulled back in a wolfish grin as Tucker immediately lunged for Wash and Connie's table. God, even his canines were visible.

¨Tucker.¨ Wash's voice held a warning edge in it as he turned to the dark-skinned man who had an apron donned on and a notepad in one hand, pencil in the other, ¨No, you're not interrupting. In fact, it's nice to see you.¨

¨Oh, you two know each other?" Connie glanced between the two men, a sparkle in her eyes. Wash knew that sparkle. That sparkle meant assumptions.

¨I've never seen this man in my life,¨ Wash deadpanned, right as Tucker beamed, ¨Closest two bros you've ever seen.¨

Wash was not up for any more assumptions to be made today (as much as he wanted this one to be true), he was a man on a mission. He was going to talk to his ex-best friend (because let's face it, four years apart is bound to make your 'best friend' turn into 'ex-best friend'.)

¨That cuts deep. I'm guessing you're having your usual?¨ Wash didn't even need to nod before Tucker started scribbling away his usual order, then turned to Connie, ¨Sorry for not introducing myself earlier, my name is Lavernius Tucker, but you can call me whatever you like,¨ Wash nudged him harshly with his elbow, ¨Ow, alright, fine, just call me Tucker. Buzzkill. What'll you be having?¨

Wash stopped listening as soon as Connie listed off pretty much the whole menu paired with a venti macchiato. He simply stared at her. It's just that four whole years, and she was finally there sitting before him. It hadn't really hit him until now. The realization seemed to knock the air out of him almost as much as Caboose's hug from earlier did.

Also, he was right. She had changed. Her hair had grown back and was now cut into a choppy bob with side bangs, the side that had been shaved before was now tucked behind her ear. She was even paler than before if that were even possible, but it was pretty obvious that Wash wasn't the only one who had been hitting the gym on the regular. Damn, she would put up one hell of an arm wrestle.  
His eyes suddenly drifted up to meet Tucker's shockingly bright cyan ones, concern laced into Tucker's whole posture as he stared down at the freckled man.

¨Huh?¨ was all Wash could find himself dumbly saying.

¨I asked if you're alright, dude,¨ Tucker pursed his lips, scrunching one side of his face up as he gave Wash an obvious once-over to check if, physically, he was fine. When it became clear that nothing was evidently wrong with Wash, his face relaxed slightly, but he parted his lips in thought anyway. It was as if Wash couldn't look away from the action. He tried to speak once, but nothing came out, so he licked his lips and tried again.

¨I'm fine,¨ Wash sure didn't sound fine. Yet, Tucker's whole body seemed to loosen up at the response. His shoulders still seemed kind of tense though.

The idea of kissing and massaging the tension away was something Wash couldn't get out of his head until Tucker spoke again, snapping him out of his thoughts.

¨Good, 'cause throwing up on a date would be literally the worst come-on ever. Of all time,¨ Tucker's tone seemed light and joking, but his eyes still lingered on Wash's figure a moment longer than necessary, as if Wash could ACTUALLY throw up any moment now.

¨Oh, this isn't a date,¨ Wash blinked, only just then remembering Connie's presence. He didn't feel an ounce of guilt for forgetting she was there. Four years she hadn't been there, so of course, once she's back, it's gonna be easy to forget. If she felt offended by that, then oh well.

¨I have a boyfriend.¨

¨It's David over here, isn't it?¨ Tucker shrugged his shoulder in the direction of Wash, as if he wasn't even there.

¨As a matter of fact, no,¨ Her half-lidded gaze was so casual, Wash wondered how she did it. Every time anyone had suggested it was a date to him, he could feel the tips of his ears heat up. Still, Connie, the little trooper, continued on, ¨My boyfriend's name is Chris, and currently, he's up in Quebec celebrating a new sister-in-law.¨

¨Congrats to him. But, also, sucks for him because in-laws are the worst,¨ Tucker paused as he reviewed his notepad, ¨Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go grab your food. This might take a while since Lil' Miss Stomach-Of-Steel here seems to be a little peckish.¨

¨Fuck you,¨ Connie stuck her tongue out as Tucker began to walk away, but he simply just threw her the finger over his shoulder and laughed.

¨That's Wash's job!¨ Tucker called over his shoulder.

Mortified, Wash watched Tucker's retreating back (and okay, yeah, he admired his lean figure and also possibly maybe sneakedapeekathisbutt), and finally turned his gaze to meet Connie's. She immediately burst out laughing, causing his face to flush even further even though he had thought that impossible mere moments ago.

¨The look on your face! Priceless!¨ Her roaring laughter died down to soft giggling before stopping altogether, ¨So, Tucker, huh?¨

¨What about him?¨

¨Woah, calm down, I'm not going to step in on your territory. It's pretty obvious he's yours.¨ Wash hadn't even realized how much he had stiffened at Tucker's name, but tried to force himself to loosen up.

¨He's not 'mine,' he is his own person. We aren't even dating,¨ Wash toyed with the salt shaker, accidentally spilling some before finally putting it down. His face felt so hot he might as well have been labelled as a fire hazard because if he went through anymore embarrassment, he was sure that this whole place would go up in smoke.

¨Maybe you two...should be? Ever thought of that?¨

¨No!¨ The answer was instantaneous. The question was so outrageous to him, the disbelief must've been extremely evident on his expression because she simply cocked an eyebrow at his reaction. He took in a small breath, ¨He's straight. Anyways, he's a single dad, he probably doesn't have time for dating. He's always either working or spending time with Junior.¨

¨Junior? Have you met him yet?¨ The sparkle in Connie's eyes returned again, brighter this time, ¨Is Junior a good kid? Do you like him? Does he like you?¨

¨Junior's an amazing kid. He's mute, but Maine, the big lug, he helps me with my sign language whenever he can, so I've been having faster, deeper conversations with Junior everyday.¨ Wash paused, expecting Tucker's signature catchphrase, even though the man wasn't here. He shook his head and continued, ¨Everyone we know adores Junior, he's just so adorable. It's pretty much impossible to hate him.¨

At this point, Tucker slid up to the table, two coffee cups in hand, ¨Adorable? Impossible to hate? You two were talking about me, right?¨ His grin was dazzling, not quite as wolfish as before but still pretty damn sly. Then again, that was how most of his grins looked.

¨You wish, Lavernius,¨ Wash huffed, immediately taking a sip out of his black coffee.

¨You have a kid?¨ Connie stared up at Tucker, her mouth quirked into a small, curious smile.

¨Ha! So you two WERE talking about me! To answer your question, hell yeah I do! He's the best, his name is Junior, he's on a basketball team - taking after his father's interests and all - and--¨ Before Tucker could even go to grab his wallet to start showing them both the 20+ pictures of Junior he carried on him everyday, Wash laid his hand on Tucker's forearm to stop him.

¨So, Connie, how has spending four consecutive years with Chris been?¨ The subject change was abrupt, but it was just enough because a different kind of sparkle lit up Connie's dark brown eyes. One filled with actual love. It made Wash sick to his stomach.

¨Amazing. Every day with him is like our first day together. I think he's going to propose soon?¨ The hope and affection lacing her voice made Wash's retort die in his throat. It wasn't until Tucker cleared his throat that he realized his hand was still gripping Tucker's arm.

¨Oh, uh, sorry,¨ Wash mumbled, letting Tucker leave, then turning back to Connie, ¨Tell me all about your escapades.¨  
Twenty stories later about a ton of countries Wash had never even heard of, Tucker finally arrived, trying to balance at least 5 plates of food. Automatically dropping his sentence in the middle of speaking at the sight of Tucker's struggle, he rushed to help Tucker put down the various dishes in front of Connie, who immediately started ravaging a plate full of scrambled eggs and bacon.

¨It's not even the morning anymore...¨ Wash grumbled, setting down a plate of different types of muffins.

¨Any time is breakfast time when you haven't eaten anything yet!¨ She spoke through a mouthful of food, causing Wash to wrinkle his nose in mild disgust.

Wash rolled his eyes. As much as Connie's physical appearance had changed, apparently her stomach still hadn't.

The conversation flowed from there, much lighter than it had been before, mostly comprised of small talk and jokes about how the other had changed. Until Tucker came up again, grabbed Wash's arm, and suddenly dragged him away from the table, Wash only capable of making questioning noises in the immediate moment. He didn't bother fighting back, just letting himself being pulled along to the men's bathroom.

Tucker shoved him in a stall and followed after, stepping closer to Wash. Wide, jade green eyes met narrow, teal ones, and for once, Wash thought maybe Tucker could like him back. Maybe Tucker had liked him back for a while now, and Wash, too caught up in his own self-loathing, never noticed. Maybe Tucker's feelings for Wash were more than words could handle, so he would bring them together in a passionate kiss where Tucker would cup his face gently and Wash's breath would be knocked out of him from how amazing it had been, maybe they could confess to their undying love for each other and kiss some more.

¨What the fuck, dude?¨ The harsh words made Wash jolt back to reality. His mind immediately jumped into action, trying to remember if he said any of that out loud. Oh god, he probably did. Tucker hated him now, he was disgusted with his feelings. He would refuse to hang out with Wash after that, he'd never hang out with a fa--  
¨What the hell are you waiting for?! She's obviously interested in you! If you don't catch her, I will!¨ Tucker hissed, poking at Wash's shoulder. Wash was dumbstruck. So he hadn't just ruined his closest friendship and severed the one relationship he cared about? What a relief. But...

¨What?¨ Wash's mouth let out a small, confused noise before finally spluttering out coherent English words, ¨She....Chris. Boyfriend. Proposal.¨

¨It's obviously a cover-up to get you jealous, duh. Just kiss her! When someone shows interest in you, you go for it!¨ Tucker really seemed to want Wash to do this, it hurt Wash's poor, already-beaten-up heart. Maybe Tucker didn't feel the same way after all...

¨I'm not going to....¨ It took Wash a moment to regain his composure, ¨I'm not going to kiss her, for God's sake!¨

¨Woah, trust me, you are NOT getting to third base tonight, I can tell already,¨ Tucker scowled disapprovingly.

¨I'm not! Because I don't want to!¨ Wash huffed, ¨Why are you so interested in my love life anyways?¨

¨Because I want you to be happy with someone, even if it isn't with me, dumbass,¨ The immediate, exasperated-sounding words made Wash's expression settle into that of a blank one. It seemed to take Tucker a moment to process his own words as well, because once they both realized the implications behind the sentence, Wash and Tucker made eye contact once more, but this time, the jade green eyes were narrowed and the electric blue ones wide as could be. This had to be a joke. Tucker must've known about Wash's feelings for him, and he was joking about it now.  
¨Uh...I didn't mean that,¨ The hasty words had quite the effect on Wash. Rather than take in Tucker's nervous body language too, Wash only absorbed the words, and his face contorted painfully to follow along with his emotions.

¨Who told you? Donut? Church? Hell, maybe even Caboose?¨ Wash whispered, but his tone still managed to hold venom, ¨Did you really think this...this...this JOKE would be funny? My feelings are just a game to you, huh, Lavernius?¨

Tucker looked extremely lost and slightly terrified, and that made Wash hesitate for a moment, but he didn't dare hold back his next glare or comment, ¨And to think I actually wanted to date you.¨

He shook his head and tried to push past Tucker who was the only obstacle blocking him from escape, but Tucker held up an arm to stop him.

¨Hold on just a fucking second, David. What the fuck did you just accuse me of doing? What the fuck did you just say you wanted to do?¨ Tucker pushed him back to where he had been standing before, and Wash steeled himself for a fight, tried to keep a straight face.

¨You're messing with me. You know that I....You know,¨ If Wash's face was as red as it felt, he must've literally looked like a tomato.

¨No, I don't know. You what?¨ Tucker's voice held a strange edge to it, his eyes seeming a tad too eager, a tad too hungry for Wash's liking.

¨Uh, that I've had the biggest crush on you for a year now,¨ Wash continued hesitantly, dropping the volume of his voice majorly and rubbing his arm. Goosebumps sprouted under his own touch, ¨You....you knew that, right? That's what you were fucking with me about, r-right?¨

The two just stared at each other in silence for a couple moments, causing realization to dawn upon Wash that _oh my god, that wasn't what he was talking about_. He'd just admitted his crush to his best friend. If he hadn't ruined their friendship before, he definitely had now.

Wash opened his mouth to defend himself yet again, but no words came out since Tucker took the chance to slam his mouth against Wash's, and although it resulted in some awkward clashing teeth, he, to this day, would claim he didn't regret it at all. Wash was frozen to his spot, eyes wide and disbelieving, but once he regained his senses, he pushed Tucker up against the cubicle wall and immediately took control of the kiss.

Tucker pulled away moments later, panting and with pink swollen lips. Wash thought to himself that he should definitely leave Tucker looking like this more often.

¨Maybe misunderstandings can become more of a daily thing because holy shit,¨ Tucker was the first to break the silence, staring up at Wash in awe and overflowing with affection. Wash couldn't help himself and snuck in a few pecks all over Tucker's face before backing away, the shorter one grinning again, ¨So, Wash. ONLY a year now? Gotta admit, I'm kinda disappointed.¨

Surprisingly enough, nothing seemed different when the two walked out moments later, even if they did stand closer together than usual and Wash looked infinitesimally calmer. When Wash plopped down into his seat in the booth, Maine had already arrived and was sitting next to Connie, large arm slung across the back of the seat, so Wash grinned and signed out something he hoped came out along the lines of 'Hey, you're never gonna believe what just happened.'

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if my Spanish is kinda rusty! I'm only in Spanish 4 at the moment, but I didn't want to spend too much time trying to translate sentences, so I just used Google Translate and tried to tweak the products a little bit to sound better.  
> Also, I don't know if it's clear or not, but I kept thinking about diners instead of coffeeshops, so maybe I should change the tags? Diner Tuckington sounds so much cuter to me than Coffeeshop Tuckington tbh  
> *I couldn't care less about any of you imbeciles. I was trying to say that the toilet's clogged, you useless dildo.  
> **Why does God hate me?  
> 


End file.
